#friendship

Disappearing People

Stella Holman - The ConnectorInt Leave a comment

Gravitate towards others who stay calm when met with friction. When you stay composed you stay in control. Calm isn’t passivity it’s precision under pressure.

Power may also be assumed to be action, but real power is what you resist.

Anyone can retaliate, but the person that sees the whole picture not the next move wins over time.

When you step up and trust your values more than your emotions. Resisting the temptation to lower your standards!

Power begins in the daily routine, the way you prepare, plan and show up on days when motivation doesn’t exist.

Daily discipline frees you from being tossed around by every demand, mood or distraction..

A strong person doesn’t fight to be seen or beg to be heard, nor do they demand your attention or try to convince you of their value as they know their worth and won’t compete for your respect, they will stop showing up for you when they realise that their standards are dismissed and they have shown loyalty and not people been valued.

Now life begins to align around the boundary you finally had the courage to enforce.

Protect your peace, as this affects your tone, clarity and creativity. So silence the noise, say no without guilt and step away with grace.

I’ve made a few mistakes, I’ve upset people with my decisions which haven’t aligned with theirs. But, I do not want to be controlled by other people’s viewpoints unless I am in agreement.

In 2025 I disappeared myself for a bit. It was out of choice, I was diagnosed with Glaucoma and I had to go and have emergency eye surgery to save my eye sight. Then, I had a long period of time waiting for my eyes to recover so I could go back to the opticians to get new glasses. In this time I was unable to drive. Thankfully, there were offers from friends to take me to the hospital which was 20 miles away. On one occasion I did go by train and walked quite a distance which was a little distressing as I couldn’t see all that well.

During this time at home I kept occupied by my entrepreneurial pursuits. I was able to listen to trainings and join in with a few zoom calls so I didn’t feel so isolated being at home on my own. I was blessed to have a gorgeous summer and venture out locally to sit on the seafront

Sadly, a friend I had known for many years had a breakdown, followed by a heart attack which brought on early dementia, this resulted in him having to be sectioned and omitted into psychiatric care. This has been a shock to me as he was part of my social circle for 35 years. I went to see him a couple of time and heard yesterday they have finally found a care home for him to stay in which will be easier for his family to reach by bus.

A number of Blackstar networking collegues past away!

Glad I made the effort to have a 121 with Andrew Widgery down at the Waitrose Cafe in Chichester in 2024. Wonderful to hear him speak about his love for his family and gratefulness that his girls had all found wonderful men to partner up and expressing his joy for the new grandson and another one on the way. He told me that he had received treatment and that drug was destroying his cancer lesions and his words to me were that he had been given extra time to love his family and all the special people in his life. Though sadly, not as much time as we were all hoping because Andrew past away on 27.7.24.

Very sad as he was “kicking cancer” ticking more things of his bucket list….

Then on 23 July 2025, we lost Maurice Watts, I regrettably was unable to join in with the “Chez Maurice-Marketing zooms as I was working, nor get to meet him or travel to visit him in hospital as it was too far away.

Maurice was a good friend to me during the Blackstar Ecademy days. Gave me some marketing mentoring, shared knowledge and helped me navigate by way back to the tube stations after our networking events…

Mick Say past away on the cliff tops while out walking with his wife and friends on 25 November 2025, apparently he slipped and banged his head but never regained consciousness.

He loved technology, I did some freelance work for him when we were all trying to create data using Klout, Rise and the game Empire Avenue. He also lately was sharing his accomplishments on #strava.

🥶WINTER🥶

Stella Holman - The ConnectorInt Leave a comment

I was really looked forward to Christmas and spending time with family and friend’s. But then Christmas Day was short and sweet and Boxing Day a friend of whom I had agreed to spend time with had the flu so I found myself alone at home.

New Years Eve, myself and two friends went out to watch our regular band “The Big Blue- Sussex Band “ with a set menu at a Curry House. It was ok, but I wouldn’t do it again, even though I left them a good review, I can see they worked hard to make everything successful for the evening. I am not used to eating so late. One of the friends insisted on a “doggy bag” then took half my meal home with her. Actually, as I am currently without a microwave, so I had to say it was acceptable!

New Years Day it was pouring with rain, so I didn’t go out. Just chilled and caught up with things I had been putting off for a while. Thankfully, I was able to work from home on the day that followed and then in the office for a couple of days the following week.

Glad to receive an electric blanket as a gift from my daughter for Christmas. Makes it easier to sleep. I have slept so much better since my move. Since COVID I had a bit of Tinnitus, it does come and go. I have very good hearing and unfortunately, can hear the hot water boiling in the cylinder when on Economy 7. So I try to get to bed early so I am asleep before this noise begins.

Then a friend gave me an electric radiator that blows hot air as well as the radiator element. This is much better and keeps the room warmer while I work. You almost need to go outside to come in again to appreciate the warmth!

I know some of my work colleagues don’t put their heating on but sit with their coats on and fingerless gloves.

I’m the only person that doesn’t have gas heating in this building that I live in, though coming in from the cold air, the room feels warm so I may benefit it a little from heat rising from their flats. Just first thing in the morning it’s harder than it would be normally to get up. Dark morning’s when I leave at 7am to go to work, then it’s dark on my return. Winter seems longer this year, thankfully we didn’t get that much snow, it’s mostly been raining and cold. Hardly any sunshine.

My car has been in the wars. Bashed the wing mirror, it cost me £100 to get repaired which was cheap as a friend sorted it out for me. Sadly, my car is looking quite rough now, with scratches on the paint work and the door handle covers have dropped off. I got my church house group to pray the car got through the MOT. Thank God it did. It is a cheap little run around that i bought when it was six years old, now it’s twelve years old and I need to keep going a few more years yet.

In the day, it’s a challenge to keep the electric bill down. Since having the Smart Meter installed at least I can see what uses the energy. I rarely use the oven. I manage to eat quite well using the Air Fryer, Slow Cooker and hob. I still have a pressure cooker, just about remember how to use it. The main point being how to let it off the heat and release naturally. The pressure drops quite fast, then It’s safe to open.

Basically, you have to cook differently when you know you don’t have a microwave to heat meals up.

I used to use a Microwave quite a bit and will get one in March, so that I can enjoy jacket potatoes again.

January was quite a quiet month for socialising, I try did get out to see Stuart Bligh sing solo and I made this video which we collaborated on via Instagram Follow Stuart Bligh on Instagram and it got over 1k views Then I have also shared it on My TikTok and my other platforms. Stuart told me he got a couple of bookings as a result. Well that was good to know, very encouraging! I’ve been supporting his band and his solo gigs for twelve years now. He always refers to me and my friends as “friends” gives us a hug when he sees us. We have been all over East Sussex to lots of country pubs, some in really remote places.

Stuart also hosts a “Blues Weekend” called “Beer, Rhythm & Blues” in Beer https://www.beerbluesfestival.co.uk

Last year the weather was bitter cold, the year before though it was lovely. As it’s in October, your guess is as good as mine to what the weather would be like!

I am planning to go somewhere warmer this year early Autumn but where I haven’t decided yet.

So near and yet so far away

Stella Holman - The ConnectorInt 3 Comments

Sometimes life plays a bittersweet tune, reminding us that some things we desire are just out of reach. It’s moments like these that pull at the strings of our hearts, leaving us with a profound sense of longing and nostalgia.

Have you ever experienced that feeling? The sensation of being so close to something or someone, yet unable to bridge the gap that separates you? It’s as if the universe conspires to keep us apart, teasing us with the possibility of what could have been.

There are countless instances where we find ourselves yearning for a connection that remains elusive. Perhaps it’s a missed opportunity for love, a friendship that faded away, or a dream that never came to fruition. Whatever the case may be, the ache in our hearts can be overwhelming.

But amidst the sadness, there is a certain beauty in this sentiment. It reminds us of the depth of our emotions and the significance of the connections we form. It teaches us to cherish those fleeting moments of closeness, even if they are overshadowed by the distance that separates us.

Sometimes, the very act of longing can fuel our determination and inspire us to strive for what we desire most. It fuels our creativity, drives us to take risks, and encourages us to push beyond our comfort zones. It reminds us that life is a delicate dance between what we have and what we yearn for.

So, if you find yourself caught in the midst of this sentimental journey, take solace in knowing that you are not alone. Embrace the emotions that come with longing, for they are a testament to the depth of your heart. And remember, sometimes the most beautiful connections are forged in the spaces between “so near” and “so far away.” 🌌✨